WHY DON'T I RUN ?

 

It was around one year back, after I ran the Airtel Half Marathon, a long cherished dream, that I wrote a piece called ‘Why do I run’ ,but today while sipping whiskey and alternating it with a rich almond soup, at an official party, I asked myself “Why don’t I run”?.

 Its that time when the customary speech, in which everyone all of a sudden becomes very good, highly professional etc, etc. ,was being dished out . And  I am contemplating whether to fetch one more drink and  make people around me more interesting.

 The top boss is raving about a high ranking officer , how this guy had done so well in life and his children too, apparently, were following suit. I  wonder "Did I ever do well in life? Did I ever push myself to achieve?, did I really want anything ?" The answer , incidentally, is all in negative.

 It was one of those drab official get together, which are more of a duty rather than a party and ,like always, I was late. I  also wondered why I’m always late to these official functions. I guess it’s the thrill akin to bunking a class or just an effort   to be cool . It could  be anything but definitely not unpunctuality , since I am  quite punctual when it comes to private or friendly  get togethers .

 Anyways I reached late and entered through the back door and acted like I was already there, which of course is an art, mastered over a period of time .I quickly downed  a few drinks, before the normal praising or good bye speeches started, be  ready for what was to come .

 Here I was, trying to get drunk, hearing a mumbo jumbo speech about a guy who apparently had done well for himself. The kind of guy with whom I would never be friends with ,in younger days and wont be able to connect in older days .Topping all exams, ticking all boxes. Do they  ever  have serious  fun ?

 I had a flashback, alcohol helps I guess, and I thought about this fact that in my life, I never ran: after anything. I guess I have been lucky enough that things came to me or may be I was lucky enough to be enlightened at an early age ,saw the writing on the wall and realised the futility of it all . That could be a limerick. 

Saw the writing on the wall,

Early on realised the futility of it all .

Since, when there as nothing , nothing at all ;

There was The Wall .

( its an ode to guys, who got it)

 

I never ran to be in the school cricket team, everyone thought I should have. I never ran to be in the school football team & everyone thought I should have. I got decent marks in class X exam, before that I used to be miserable in studies, not because I ran for it but because my mother  used to make me sit on my study  table for 3-4 hours a day and without a mobile phone or internet how can you kill time .There is  limit to scratching family jewels even when you are  fifteen. So I sat for a year and a half for around 3-4 hours a day and did well. I never ran for the class XII exam and mother dear  could not make me sit at a study table for 3-4 hours a day so I did not get  decent marks  in class XII.

 

The story goes  on  and on for each and everything in my life.  I never ran for anything or anyone. Army happened without running though there was too much running in it. Love happened, no running, marriage happened no running. A beautiful child happened ,of course there is no running involved there too. Separation, followed by divorce, no running here too.  

 

I wonder whether it was my intrinsic deep rooted laziness or a laidback nature which discouraged me from running. May be how I grew up to life, may be what I read affected me. May be it was the famous song from the “The wall” whose  lyrics are “…. for I have seen the writing on the wall”.  May be it was an amalgamation of everything.  Whatever it was it nothing could  motivate me to run, or run after. While I did not run ,I enjoyed being there, being in it . I really enjoyed my cricket, my football.  I still do, till  this very moment too. I guess I just enjoy the journey, the process, with no hurry to get anything or reach anywhere. And all those who wander are not always lost .

 

Things kept happening, as they are happening this very moment too, but  I wont  run after them .Incidentally I started taking joy in actual running i.e. running on the road and  on treadmill . 

 It would be totally incorrect to say that I did not run at all. I tried to ,once or twice , but when I ran after  something , it ran away from me. My deep rooted laidback nature was vindicated and I then allowed things to happen without running.

 

Only time can prove whether I am going to rue the fact of  not running. I would like to  believe that I am at good place now. I have immense love pouring from  all directions which I value a lot.  I do not know whether I am going to regret not running , but I am surely going to regret one kind of non  running, which I still do till date , and that is not running after skirts.

WRITTEN :Dec 13, Exactly one year after I wrote "why do I run"