ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE

                                        

 

I still have to figure out , as to why  do we attach or rather associate   ourselves with  a particular  number , colour , place , car , bike,  etc? My best  guess  is that we do so to satiate our alter ego . Mine , a mix of Amitabh Bacchan  and Clint Eastwood , believed , till date , that number nine was my lucky number. I don’t remember how that came about . Perhaps my birthdate  , a number nine, since it is eighteen of the month, or may be the notion that number nine is a strong number, both  as per Indian  numerology ,made me consider  nine as my lucky number .

However, I was to be taught yet another lesson in the Randomness of Life, a self-coined concept,  and doubt the veracity of nine as my lucky number before I completed  half century of my existence , in this world, by,  recently experienced , nine days trip to hell and back.This long note,which follows, is about that untoward journey .

D Minus 5  (5 April 21)

‘I formally accept that I am old now ‘ I told Dushyant, Dusy , my best buddy , who stays next door to me in Lucknow when he came to pick me  to the Hospital. We both are on study leave , basically a fully paid sabbatical for  two years , where we are re-learning how to do nothing,’ Nothing At All ‘, 24*7 ,365 days . Those who know us also know that this is  what we have been doing almost all our lives . I read somewhere, long back, that if you can pass a totally useless  afternoon doing nothing at all and not be fed up with it , then you have learnt to live .So I guess, we are  re -learning to live .

We, self and wife,  had reached Lucknow ,same day morning, after a short trekking vacation in Dehradun, Musoorriee  and beyond , Nagtibba to be precise .

 D , in the paragraph heading, stands for D day or the day when main action or attack takes place  , in military jargon, and   D minus  stand for number of days before that.

“And what about being an ass?”he asked .

”Was that not  confirmed long back ?,”I quipped .

When I reached Lucknow , that day morning by a night train from Dehradun, I could feel that there was something wrong with me, besides normal viral fever which I had since last 2-3 days   , I had trouble even  walking out of  the Railway Station to the the  Cab . When I reached home I immediately  called Dusy to take me to the Hospital. He , probably understood, on phone itself,that things are serious .He himself had suffered a life threatening health issue few years back and I believe when you experience something like that you tend to understand such situation much better and faster  than others .We, and both   our   families, were  to  later muse over the coincidence of us  being around each other in such   situations  .

Upsana,wife,  wanted me to take a shower and  then go , another thing that I have to figure out is  womenfolk’s  obsession  for showers .They should be educated on water scarcity in India in particular  and the World in general ,read Aamir Khan’s views on bathing  and also be told  that our  one shower fulfills a village’s drinking water requirement  in our country for a week .

  who is to bell the cat   so I quietly and meekly declined .

The Doctor at the Hospital , after seeing my state ,admitted me and suggested to not even go back, even arrange  to get my things delievered . Dusy did the Paper work and , literally, deposited me in  the Triage  , where they first test you for COVID . I was quite hopeful that I won’t  be positive since I was already  vaccinated , with both doses . But after one drip and two hours later , to my surprise , I was declared positive , one positive which people dread nowadays . I was shifted to COVID  ICU , to be monitored for some time . My  SPO2 level, made famous by COVID, was between 90-94 .

Upasna, who had been informed earlier , dropped my stuff, we could  only see each other from far . I was mentally preparing myself for a  short stay in Hospital. I  was to  proved wrong again.

After few hours of monitoring , in the night , I was  shifted to COVID ward. The Ward was in quite a bad shape and besides it was a common ward for Officers and men . The bad shape could be owing to the fact that COVID cases were ebbing slowly and complete country was under the impression that we had conquered COVID .  Pure complacency , for which the whole country paid dearly ,and continues to pay.

The  bathrooms were messy and the Ward was just a big  hall , with patients inside the mosquito net , as there were lot of mosquitoes too. I was allotted  a bed next to Bathroom . I knew it was going to miserable stay , besides my fever was rising and I was getting breathless too. My discomfiture was exacerbated by my fellow pateints, who wanted lights on in night and   talked on  phones with loudspeakers on.

 We, now, surely need lessons to be introduced in schools for  mobile phone manners besides   civic .

The mosquitoes were sorted by Army’s omnipresent mosquito net , which I had managed . The Ward boy , after he came to know that I am a  serving officer , my  long beard and  hair has been fairly helpful in my attempts to hide that , informed that  next day all officers will be shifted to separate officers’ ward . Relieved, I changed into relaxed clothes , and went to sleep .The fatigue , loss of taste along with pumping of medicine in my body had  started.

D Minus 4 ( 6 April )

Next day  , Officers were shifted to an ad hoc officers’ COVID ward , which was about hundred meters from  our existing location . I found it difficult to even  walk  those hundred meters  as my condition was deteriorating . New place was just a shade better , as it was still being organized  ,since COVID cases were rising . I got to stay in a room with two more officers with attached toilet, which was some  relief . My companions  were a retired Doctor and his elder brother.

Corona was gaining on me and the medical staff was still   in the  old location , hundred meters away .Besides  ,they had to go through perennially hateful inspections of the  Army. My stuff , which was in old place , arrived after two hours and five reminders  .

 My fever was high , whole body was aching , taste,smell had gone and mouth stayed  parched. Till this time the oxygen levels were safe and like always I ate , or pushed  down my dry  throat , whatever was given to eat . Upasna suggested ORS ,  a kind of electrolyte  .I managed two packets and kept on drinking water mixed with  it .Retired Doctor, fellow patient, was also eating and drinking  properly , while  his brother, a civilian, was not . We both knew this eating and drinking can save us . The continuous attention of medical and administrative staff  was missing.

Later , in the evening , when I could not  handle the onslaught of Corona and disorganized behaviour of staff, I rebuked at the Doctor , who came for evening round ; “Are you waiting for one of us to fall down ?”.

The Doctor apologized, explained their issues  and also informed that next day , since the current ad hoc  arrangement was not working out properly  ,  we will be shifted to a proper officers’ ward  in Base hospital, which would be quite comfortable .All three of us were quite relieved .

 Our room,  here, was a small dingy one with no AC or Cooler  . The doors and windows  were without any mesh , meaning that opening them to get   fresh air in would invite mosquitoes and we were without mosquito nets too. While we were preparing  to retire for the night  ,with hope of shifting to better accommodation next day , to our misfortune ,  there was an electricity failure and it seemed  there was no alternate arrangement . It was a typical hot April night of plains in North India   and it was, literally, a torture with no electricity,  high fever and fatigue   . All three  of us were in quite bad situation and were merely  enduring what could not be cured. My bed was next to the door and my idea, at night, when I could not tolerate the heat , to open the door after swinging the drip around  , which was attached to my arm , in a bid to let more air in was counter  productive with  hordes of mosquitoes coming inside .I  had no option  but  to close it back , curse our luck , hope for electricity to get restored ,  and till then sweat it out.

 There was no electricity the whole night and by the  morning we all were drenched with sweat  and how I  wished  sweat was COVID’s antidote .

D Minus 3(  7 April )

 By the morning   I was totally exasperated  , after having gone through that torture  in the night. I felt very weak though,to my relief, the SPO2 levels were well in safe limits  . We were shifted to Base Hospital and what a relief it was to move to a proper Officers’ Ward. This one was quite airy , had ACs too,  along with all other  required facilities and round the clock availability of medical staff  for supervision . After spending sometime there , when I thought I was getting better, they attached me to a machine,  to check my vitals as my SPO2 had started dropping.

  Next door guy , who turned out to be an Ordnance Officer ,  seemed to be in bad condition in high fever  told me “If my fever comes down I will live “

And I was telling myself why is this young guy talking about death.

Saw Upasna  , when she came to drop some stuff . We could, again,  only waive at each other from far . Things , to me , were pointing to an early recovery with fever coming down, reduced  body ache  and return of smell and taste .All this time I was having lots of water with ORS , along with fruits and coconut water , which Upasna had managed to be delivered to me every day ; besides the  food given by the Hospital .

While I was thought  that I am recovering COVID had something else in mind  as drop in  SPO2 level  continued.

D Minus 2( 8 April)

The routine had changed by now . I was getting sweetened hot milky water called Tea in the morning at six, breakfast at seven , lunch at 12:30 PM and dinner by 7:30 PM. A different kind of weakness had taken over, I found myself dozing on and off even while being on phone . I did not  have energy to reply to messages which I received being AOC(Army Ordnance Corps) Raising Day .

Since my SPO2 was getting low I was put on an  Oxygen concentrator. Now I had a drip in my hand , a finger clip for 24 hours in my finger to monitor SPO2 , Pulse  and oxygen tubes in my nostrils. I had lost count of injections, drips and medicine that I was given.

 I guess things took a southward trend when I noticed them increasing medicines and giving me two injections ,one in morning and one in evening in the stomach .These two injections would continue for next ten days. I had, literally ,left my body at their hands  and let myself be their   guinea pig ,  besides I had no energy or breath to ask or talk .

Trip to loo  had started becoming tiring and SPO2 had started showing high eighties after the loo trip initially and later  it started showing  low eighties . Empire , finally, struck back.

D Minus 1( 9 April)

The continuous drop inSPO2 made them consider shifting me to COVID ICU. Though  I was in constant touch with Upasna and Dusy I think I had started losing a grip on reality with hypoxia kicking in .

In COVID ICU , I shared my room with an old gentleman , who turned out to be a retired general of Army Medical Corps . By now I was losing track of things around me . Visit to loo was continuously dropping my SPO2 level to 81-82 and once it touched 77, which is reasonably dangerous and scary . I was on proper Oxygen now and all  my actions were in slow motions .

“Are you a serving officer?” , “Yes sir “I replied to the voice looming over me which had general’s rank on his shoulders . He was the  local Major General Of  AMC(Army Medical Corps),who was officially visiting  the Hospital.

“How come you have a beard  ?”was the next question , and I thought can’t he see I am miserable enough to not even mumble a reply.

“Because I always wanted to have one “was all I could say. He seemed to understand  my state.

‘Sir , Do you need an attendent  for the toilets visits ‘  my Doctor asked me during his evening  round .

I guess I did not fully understand what he meant but the Vijay Dinanath Chauhan and Dirty Harry, my alter ego,  refused in one voice  . I was to understand  what he meant, later  . I had this feeling that half the time I was floating, which I attribute to hypoxia . At times I felt , due to lack of oxygen , as if I was above 15000 ft in mountains  . I remember  telling myself this too shall pass.

Besides that , I started telling myself other positive things too, like” Tough times don’t last tough people do”,”There is so much to do and experience “  ,whenever I was in my senses, to lift my soul . Military training, if undertaken in the right earnest , has the potential to change you for a life time and  I  always like to believe that it did for me, besides  I had the best  being from National Defence Academy .

Besides Upasna , Dusy , family in Noida ,through Neeraj ,my younger Brother , there was one more person who was constantly seeking my updates and that was my nineteen year old son  , Nihal ( Rocky )who is studying in UK and is now a UK citizen . I often joked with him that I will stop treating him like a kid  only when he could  do more push ups than me . In  our  last two meetings  first one in Greece in 2017 and second one in Leh in 2018,   he could not beat me but his concern  now proved  that he has grown up and  not only in height, he is six feet two inches now .The joke has lived its life .

Sometimes when  you see your kids growing up you  wonder as to why do kids grow up . I wrote a short Hindi poem  on same subject, few years back,  whose  english translation  goes like this :-

“WHY DO THESE KIDS GROW UP

Why do these kids grow up?

Why does their smell ,

Which was so intoxicating gets lost ?

Why their touch,

Which was so sweet, changes ?

And they run away from our touch.

Why their world

Which used to revolve around us , changes ?

And our world , starts revolving around them ,

And they don’t even come to know.

Such are laws of nature .

This love is also quite perplexing.

May be we too , no,for sure , were like this .

But even then .

Why do these kids grow up?”

 

D Day(10 April) The Longest Day(Green Over Red)

Here I was , on D day , floating half the time , not able to grasp as to what was happening to me , suffering from low oxygen,continuously on drips with lot of medicine being pumped into my body including two injections every day in the stomach. I guess I was   talking incoherently too , I also remember saying something to the retired General ,my neighbor , who took that  in his stride .

It had been more than a week that I had taken a bath and besides  that torturous second night , when there  was no electricity in that small dingy room , had made me covered with sweat and I am sure I must have been smelling too. The long  thick matty hair on my head  and long beard , courtesy my sabbatical from Army life of regular crew cuts and daily shaves  , were itching for a clean up.

I made up my mind, after lot of deliberation , to go for a quick shower .So in the afternoon, when generally everybody is sleeping in Hospitals,I walked in slow motion  to washroom. I had got used to moving in slow motion , any normal or fast action would  immediately affect oxygen levels adversely and make me extremely breathless  and tired .  I decided to shampoo my head and beard first.

While  I was at it I had an eerie feeling that something is wrong . All of a sudden,   level of breathlessness and associated discomfiture started  increasing  and soon it was at a scary point . I could sense that I might collapse inside the washroom and things may  go south, I  also dreaded the thought of me found  collapsed in washroom  .  I dropped whatever idea was left to take a shower and  decided to head back to my bed, with my oxygen  support; so I  started winding up.  But like love this, winding up, also could not be just  hurried up . It  also  had to be done in slow motion even when   my anxiety levels  skyrocketing  with no air going inside my lungs ; I could feel my breath stopping at nostrils itself , I felt I was on a verge of collapsing .

Suddenly I heard a voice calling me from deep, down  inside “Tu aaj nahin marega  , beep (you wont die today  beep) , beep  for  appropriate  expletive .

  I think in Hindi  , my primary education has ensured that . This voice kept on  getting louder ,repeating the same thing over and over again  .I winded up and without wiping my head  properly  I headed back ,with that voice pushing me, towards my bed and oxygen support.

When I reached my room  there was a nurse and a nursing attendant   for some work,  as usually at this time no body would visit us .I caught a weird look in their eyes , through their PPE kit . I slumped or collapsed in my  chair and put my finger inside  the finger clip of vitals monitor. I looked at the oxygen reading which was running fast downwards , past eighties , seventies , sixties and finally it stopped at fifty seven . I heard the nurse utter something and   I have faint memory of what happened after  that  as I found myself on bed  breathing with oxygen cranked up to maximum .  The General told me , later,that they were up at me for quite  some time . I  think I stabilised   in some time  . Though it’s all hazy now , I think I passed out for a bit after collapsing on that chair and that nurse and nursing assistant  revived me .

I remember sharing the incident with Upasna ,afterwards,  and we both decided to go for a RT PCR test again. I had, now, understood why Doctor had offered me to be shifted  close to wash room . During his visit in the evening I asked him for RT PCR test , he was reluctant initially, as I had been admitted for a few days only, but later agreed  when I told him  I had contracted the virus 6-7 days before getting admitted in Hospital . That night I was shifted to a different room, much  closer to washroom ,where I was welcomed by an old patient with a saintly look and smile .

When I closed my eyes  that night  I realized that I  have  had a very close brush with the  End  that day.  I  have nothing but  flashes of that day , like Rocky says, most of the time , he has  flashes   , whenever I remind me of a story from his childhood , our best time together  .

Its so tragically  ironic that your best memories of your time with your offspring are, at the best  are mere flashes for them .Such is the nature of life and love , you can’t hold it forever.

D Plus 1( 11 April)

D day is followed by  consolidation or counterattack stage . I had a feeling in the morning that worst is over .My blood sample for the the test were taken , had the nurse had not told me I would not have come to know since , as I said  earlier , I had lost the curiosity to even ask as to what they were doing with my body .Upasna had sent  newspapers, that I had missed , so I spent sometime  going through them ,  I  also realized I was slightly better than yesterday . Saintly looking  neighbour offered more newspaper and fruits . I said no  to newspapers only. 

For reasons unknown,  he looked divine and God’s reminder for me to be thankful for letting me live  . He had a very soft and reassuring voice  .When I noticed ‘Gita , As It Is ‘, on his table , I could not but help talking about . I noticed that he had a bemused smile on his face all the time , when I was talking to him about Gita .Till date I find his presence, there, as divine .

 The trips to loo , which was nearby , were short and scary now .

I was woken up in the afternoon when the same nursing assistant , who was there yesterday  when I touched 57 , excitedly gave me the good news that I was COVID negative now . We punched our fists together .I was for them a strange serving   officer with long hair and long  salt and pepper beard , which was partly  pink due to  Holi colours put by Myra and Vihaan , our favorite kids and  friends’ children  here in Lucknow. The beard had been  drawing quite a bit of attention .

After the result it was decided to shift me to a normal ward . By evening I was shifted to normal officers’ ward in a wheel chair , with oxygen support,but since the SPO2 levels were still not okay I was shifted to Medical ICU , to be monitored for another 24 hours .

 This ICU was different , everyone was a critical patient there and hence  lot of action  .A doctor was always around ,with 2-3 stern nurses passing instructions in regular intervals  with  continuous beeping of life support equipment in the   background . It had those inclined beds that we see in movies, where they look extremely comfortable ,  they are far from it in real life , at least mine was .I was given different set of clothes , basically a loose apron and  a pyjama , lot of wires were attached to my body along with oxygen support making me much more uncomfortable  and, actually,  pitiable . Fresh ECG and X ray were taken , which turned out okay , I guess. Upasna came to see me .  Though she was visible relieved , on hearing that I was COVID negative but  in no time ,seeing me helpless and uncomfortable in that situation in that  anxiety raising place , she got  quite disturbed, could not handle it for long and chose to go back .My oxygen level was hovering around 91-92 and there was nothing alarming in various tests that they carried out .I was kept under strict monitoring and even visit to loo was not allowed , so I had to pee in a bottle . Washroom was allowed only for big job , that too with attendant .Whole night I was topsy turvy  in that uncomfortable bed  trying to adjust numerable wires attached to my body  ,overall it was another tough night .

Next day morning after brushing my teeth ,  peeing in  a bottle , I got used to it  , and breakfast I heard the good news that they were considering shifting me to  a normal ward, as I had been stable . I thanked God, as I had been really uncomfortable in that miserable place .The decision was confirmed after the morning rounds of Doctors  .

Dusy visited , he  too was also visibly disturbed ,seeing me in that attire and situation but soon was relieved  when our discussion turned to tricks to pee in a bottle , without spilling . He accompanied me to the  normal ward , when I was shifted there on wheel chair with oxygen support .

On reaching  officers’ ward , I met  the same retired general who was my companion in ICU  and learnt that  he was going to be my companion again in this ward, we both were pleased to see each other and  we  both knew that we were pleased because we had survived a major scare on our lives .

D Plus 2 (12 April ) to D Plus 5 (15 April)

I woke up ,relieved to have made it out alive . The weakness was killing , I was still on oxygen  and found it difficult to talk . Even a trip to the washroom ,would make me breathless with SPO2 levels hitting high eighties . 

I continued to be on oxygen support for next three days . Good thing was that I could be visited by family and friends. I slept a lot , ate a lot and did not  even think  of attempting to take another shower . I continued to be on intravenous drugs through  the  sixth cannula,  place from where the drugs go in, made on my arms .

On 15 April I noticed that SPO2 was not  dropping that much and on trial basis I removed the oxygen support on my own for some time and it turned out to be okay  , and I continued without it using it only at night . This was the time around which I wrote following  note, The Zest for Life, and messaged it to my close knit circle of family and friends.

“THE ZEST FOR LIFE

I was to learn the hard  way that even zest for life can cost you the Raison D'etre for it ie life itself. We had a Holi to remember, with plenty of  cannabis the head was reeling till late night and my favourite kids manage to colour  me real bad with an aim to dye my long  and much disliked , by the, beard.

Next day I got to know from Neeraj,my younger brother ,of his plans for a small trek ahead of Mussoorie, and I jumped at the opportunity. We reached Dehradun ,my favourite place , with a small cough ,and ended up drinking hard with my school buddies ,car- o- bar types ,you know how it is with school buddies.

On 1st April I was down with viral ,so I thought ,body aches accompanying and a hangover .I thought of cancelling the trek .The famous zest for life kicked in and I decided to give it a try till base camp .

The road head was five  hours drive from Dehradun and base camp was four hours of climb,about which we had no idea.By the time we reached base camp, at an height of 8000 ft ,I knew I was  done . The base camp itself was very cold and windy at 8000 ft.We decided not to go ahead and return  next day  ,which was two  hours of climb down .

We climbed down next day , 3rd April, and we could not make it back to Doon , so we halted in Mussoorie where  I had high fever .I was still thinking about  Viral /Asthma  attack as I had been  fully vaccinated around ten  days back .

On 4^th April I was in Dehradun ,at my Nani's place ,but in a bad state with fever, headache and body ache and  later took night train to Lucknow .First thing after reaching Lucknow, on 5 th April, I  went to hospital ,the Doctor  there did not allow me to leave hopsital and admitted in corona testing ward and lo and behold I was diagnosed as  Covid positive.

The torture began from 5 April till 14 April ,till I was declared negative and stabilised  .I must  have changed 5 hospital rooms in these 5 days .It was a torture like none another ,8 days on oxygen support and 5 days in ICU. Once my oxygen dropped till 57 ,they say you can be off in 60s.The torture part will stay with me to remember it by .I am better now ,in normal ward in command hospital Lucknow ,still breathing through a tube because of Covid induced pneumonia, which will take time to recover.

The grim joke in the family is that my ticket was issued, and it has been refunded .”

 

After monitoring my progress for  few more days , I was discharged on 20th April ,a total of fifteen days in hospital with five days in ICU and eight days on oxygen support .

Dusy , who visited me almost everyday , had come to take me back .On the way back from Hospital , we managed to laugh a bit on my condition as  I had to hold his hands  to walk even few steps , and he asked in a jest ,” ,Gin and Tonic , on the way back home , sir? “, and we ended up laughing a bit more.

I  am home now , first thing I did, after I thanked God,  at home was to take a shower, this one was after seventeen days and this time around there was no excuse for me .There is  a long road to recovery as I was discharged with  a diagnosis of severe pneumonia due to COVID , with the virus  behaving  unpredictably and affecting post COVID patients, especially severe cases, in many unknown and sometimes fatal  ways .  

Its been a week that I have been home, things which are normal  for all us are extremely tiring for me like taking a bath, talking in long sentences , going to loo, etc .These are   times when whole  world is yearning to be normal , a shift from  pre COVID times when everyone wanted  anything    but  normal  .   A reminder  to all of us that normal is fine.

 Those nine days in hell , from the time I got admitted and till I was on proper oxygen support after being negative    made me see life differently ,yet again,besides questioning the lucky part of number nine for me  .It made me believe in quotes like ’Life is a journey,  which you take alone’.  One may be blessed with co passengers for some time in this journey but the jubilations , the dopamine effect   and more importantly the pain is for one  to feel alone and go through , always and every time .

 Though  the Streets of Paris are always beautiful   but there is no point if you can’t share them with someone these someone being our loved ones  .These  loved ones can only be around us to share our joys and not bear our pain, they can only empathize  . Likewise  this  experience is for me , and me alone, to reminiscence  that pain  once in while ,when I need a course correction ,  for nostalgia or  when I need to thank God for the second birth I have blessed with .

. When I thanked  Doctor ,profusely , for saving my life he said ,” Its your will power ,Sir, because at that stage the treatment is same for everyone “.But , I count on following things, besides love and best wishes of family and friends , which saved me and gave me second birth in my fiftieth year (all other variables ,including  enjoying nature and life ’s bounty to the hilt staying the same ).

1.       The  medical care of Army Hospital . I was admitted at right time and the medical care of Army , which we sometime crib about , comes at number one

2.       A life lived of physical activity , which besides bringing a change in perspective ensures that most of the  body organs are exercised  and lungs are reasonably strong .

3.       For a year now , since  first lockdown was announced last year in March ,I have been  doing pranayama in the morning , though not very regularly. This made sure that my lungs , inspite of being  slightly asthmatic ,were reasonably  strong with increased capacity . I could easily hold breath for a minute and twenty  seconds and jog for twenty five minutes without being out of breath.

4.       A old man and  friend , who now lives   in Pune , inadvertently  encouraged me to start running again around ten  months back, when I heard that he has taken to running in mid sixties , something which he had never done  before .I started running again , something which  I loved but gave up around five years ago due to left  knee pain,    once or twice a week , that too not consistently . This little bit of jogging  coupled with pranayama  made me regain strength in my lungs so much so that on my recent trip to Gopalpur in Febuary  , a beach town in Orissa ,  I did a 5 km in the morning on the beach , without being  tired or out of breath.

 

I am alive , humbled and happy , to have survived a nine days trip to Hell. I also  realize that  I am  quite blessed as   only few  get back from the  place where I have been .

There is lot of love and concern pouring from family and friends and  I am limping back to normal health, which will take time , around three months I guess as severe cases have a lot of complications  .I wake up next to the person whom I love and who also alternates as a very good cook .I am eating a lot , partly because of her cooking abilities and partly because of heavy steroids that I am taking .Reading a little and watching lot of TV .

 And  for now I am staying alive and it’s just another day in Paradise .

WRITTEN :May 21, After surviving  the near fatal attack in Covid phase 2 in April 21